stephiny: (me)
[personal profile] stephiny
I read this post yesterday and it immediatly pissed me off. Not because it is wrong (it's not), but because it is missing so much.

"And I am sure that you, Guy Who Is Reading This, is That Guy. You're the guy who would never rape a girl passed out on your bed (who, for that matter, knows that such an act would be rape), or the woman in the village your battalion/troop/whatever is overrunning. You're the guy who wouldn't do such a thing even when his buddies were heckling him, telling him he's a fag and a pussy if he doesn't. Even more, you're the guy who would stop his frat brother from raping that girl, and get her home. You're the guy who would stop his comrades, or at least report them."

The problem I have is the words "That Guy".

In that entire post there is not a single mention of the duty women have to do the exact same thing.

How many times at parties do you see a drunk girl pass out? It's not uncommon. How many times do you see someone make sure that she is okay and ensure that she will be safe? Not nearly often enough.

Where are the guys who should be looking out for her? Where are the girls who should be looking out for her? I've seen way more concerned guys than girls

Even worse is when there are stories of girls waking up naked with no idea what happened. That is horrifying to most people but the stories of guys waking up naked with a candle shoved up their arse, now everyone thinks that is funny.

It shouldn't be.

How about having no actually mean no?

Again we blame men exclusively when the issue isn't nearly as simple. I had a friend who could be a complete idiot at times, and I'm sure there are thousands of other women like her out there. She was cheating on her bloke and to make herself feel less guilty she would say to whoever she was with "no, we really should stop". Stopping was the last thing she wanted to do and some guys would then refuse to continue. She'd spend hours complaining about that the next day.

For that matter, can we please try saying no when we don't want to do something? And FFS stop initiating sex just because you think it is expected!

Walking home alone. It's a bad idea.

Be willing to walk a little out of your way to see your friends home safely. Pretty much what you always hear that men should do. If you are alone then don't take that shortcut through the dark alley or through the woods, stick to well lit streets.

Look out for your friends and even total strangers in the same way you would hope they would look out for you.

Don't go to a party where you don't know anyone and drink too much

Let people know where you are

Don't let your friend go home with this guy/girl she just met without getting an address

It's all things that should be common sense, so why aren't people doing it?

No. Men are not fundamentally entitled to women's bodies. Everyone needs to remember this, both men and women. There is a problem with a society that lets some people not realise this and it is up to everyone, both male and female, to put this right.

Guys, even if one woman said no and then begged you to continue because she didn't mean it, it does not mean you should ever ignore it in the future.

If you see someone in trouble then HELP THEM! If it looks like a girl is getting unwanted attention then at the very least check she is okay.

If you are in a group and someone suggests taking advantage of a woman then don't hesitate to be the first to object. You are not a coward for not wanting to, you are a hero for stopping it. Group mentality is a dangerous thing, object before everyone starts agreeing and the person who suggested it will look like the arsehole he is.

If you need to do more than verbally object, do it. If you need to call the police, do it.

All those things you hear about what a gentleman should do? Those are the things any decent person should do. Walk girls home, wait with them for taxis.

You really need a reason other than it being the right thing to do? Respect. Girls will respect you, guys will respect you and most importantly, you can respect yourself.

As always, saying something like this will probably piss people off. Some people equate saying that women should do something to reduce the risk with believing that women who are sexually assulted in any way somehow deserve it. That is NEVER the case. But I feel these points have to be made

Re: Here via your link

Date: 2009-06-22 11:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Sorry I've taken so long to comment

The issue I have with that post is that it is directed only at men and pretty much just lists what they should do and where they are at fault. A lot of her points should apply equally to men and women but that isn't mentioned anywhere.

I feel that reading things like that can contribite to two problems. It can lead to men feeling like they are expected to do things that they think everyone should be doing, and women to feel that it is up to men to solve the problem. It all just feeds in to the existing 'us v them' mentality.

I would honestly be less pissed off if the post was a load of crap. It's a good post and lots of people will see it and see that it is missing any mention of women and men working together to solve the problem, or calling on women to look out for each other


stephiny: (Default)

July 2011


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